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or legal opinions on any specific matters. Transmission of the information is not intended to create and receipt does not constitute a lawyer-client relationship
between BS Kids LLC , the author of the information and any other legal publisher. Customers of BS Kids should not act upon this information without seeking
professional counsel. The opinions expressed in the material presented to BS Kids clientele is based on information found in legal publications. BS Kids
LLC, 78 Canterberry Court, Hudson, NH 03051 781-756-1214.
Research in Support of Shared Parenting
August 09, 2007
1. Sigmund Freud once wrote, “I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s
protection.”
2. It is ironic, and of some interest, that we have subjected joint custody to a level and intensity of scrutiny
that was never directed toward the traditional post-divorce arrangement (sole legal and physical custody to
the mother and two weekends each month of visiting to the father.) Developmental and relationship theory
should have alerted the mental health field to the potential immediate and long range consequences for
the child of only seeing a parent four days each month. And yet until recently, there was no particular
challenge to this traditional post-divorce parenting arrangement, despite growing evidence that such post-
divorce relationships were not sufficiently nurturing or stabilizing for many children and parents. There is
some evidence that in our well-meaning efforts to save children in the immediate post-separation period
from anxiety, confusion, and the normative divorce-engendered conflict, we have set the stage in the
longer run for the more ominous symptoms of anger, depression, and a deep sense of loss by depriving
the child of the opportunity to maintain a full relationship with each parent. Kelly, J. 1991. Examining
Resistance to Joint Custody. Joint Custody and Shared Parenting, second edition, Guilford Press.
3. Over the last four decades, there has been a dramatic increase in the number of children growing up in
homes without fathers. In 1960, fewer than 10 million children did not live with their fathers. Today, the
number is nearly 25 million. More than one-third of these children will not see their fathers at all during the
course of a year. Studies show that children who grow up without responsible fathers are significantly more
likely to experience poverty, perform poorly in school, engage in criminal activity, and abuse drugs and
alcohol. HHS supports programs and policies that reflect the critical role that both fathers and mothers play
in building strong and successful families and in the well-being of children. President Bush and HHS
Secretary Tommy G. Thompson have made promoting involved, committed, responsible fatherhood a
national priority. On initiative includes encouraging more responsible fathering by non-custodial parents.
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services fact sheet: Promoting responsible Fatherhood (2002).
4. These findings indicate that children do not actually need to be in a joint physical custody to show better
adjustment but just need to spend substantial time with both parents, especially their fathers. Also, joint
custody couples reported less conflict; possibly because both parents could participate in their children’s
lives equally and not spend the time arguing over childcare decisions. Unfortunately a perception exists
that joint custody is more harmful because it exposes children to ongoing parental conflict. In fact, the
studies in this review found that sole-custody parents reported higher levels of conflict. Review by the
American Psychological Association of Bauserman, R. (2002). Child Adjustment in Joint-Custody versus
Sole-Custody Arrangements: A Meta-Analytic Review. Journal of Family Psychology, V 16, n 1.
5. The benefits of maintaining contact with both parents exceed any special need for relationships with
male or female parents. The empirical literature also shows that infants and toddlers need regular
interaction with both of their parents to foster and maintain their attachments...In addition, it is necessary
for the interactions with both parents to occur in a variety of contexts (feeding, playing, diapering,
soothing, putting to bed, etc.) to ensure that the relationships are consolidated and strengthened. In
general, relationships with parents play a crucial role in shaping children’s social, emotional, personal, and
cognitive development, and there is a substantial literature documenting the adverse effects of disrupted
parent-child relationships on children’s development and adjustment. There is substantial evidence that
children are more likely to attain their psychological potential when they are able to develop and maintain
meaningful relationships with both of their parents, whether the two parents live together or not. Very
large research literatures now document the adverse effects of severed father-child relationships as well
as the positive contributions that fathers make to their children’s research. To be responsive to the infant’s
psychological needs, the parenting schedules adopted for children younger than 2 or 3 must involve more
transitions, rather than fewer, to ensure the continuity of both relationships and the child’s security and
comfort during a time of great change. The ideal situation is one in which infants and toddlers have
opportunities to interact with both parents every day or every other day in a variety of functional contexts
(feeding, play, discipline, basic care, limit setting, putting to bed, etc.). Unfortunately, the concept of
location-engendered stability (one home, one bed) has been incorrectly overemphasized for infants and
toddlers, without due consideration for the greater significance to the child of the emotional, social, and
cognitive contributions of both parent-child relationship. Living in one location (geographic stability)
ensures only one type of stability. Stability is also created for infants (and older children) by the
predictable comings and goings of both parents, regular feeding and sleeping schedules, consistent and
appropriate care, and affection and acceptance. There is absolutely no evidence that children’s
psychological adjustment or the relationship between children and their parents are harmed when children
spend overnight periods with their other parents. Indeed, there is substantial evidence regarding the
benefits of these regular experiences. Kelly, J.B. & Lamb , M.E. , 2000. Using child development research
to make appropriate custody and access decisions for young children. Family and Conciliation Courts
Review. Vol 38 Issue: 3: 297-311, Sage Publications.
6. On May 1, 2000, Wisconsin ’s new custody, placement and paternity reform legislation went into effect.
In signing this legislation, Governor Tommy G. Thompson (now HHS Secretary) stated, “we need to do
more to make sure both parents are fully involved in the raising of their children, particularly fathers… I am
confident the provisions I am signing help strike a better balance.”
7. Excerpts from Farrell, Warren Ph.D. (2001). Father and Child Reunion : How to Bring the Dads We
Need to the Children We Love. Penguin Putnam Inc., NY.
The “right” for which fathers’ -rights groups are fighting is the right toØ more responsibility for children.
When divorce occurs, men’s biggest fear is emotional insecurity; women’s isØ economic security—men’s
biggest fear is typically, losing their children women’s is poverty. A mother who has a true motherhood
instinct willØ be fighting for the father to be involved as if her children’s lives depended on it. The amount
of time a father spends with a child is one of theØ strongest predictors of empathy in adulthood.
The most important factor by far in preventing drug use is a close relationship with dad.
Few people know that children do better with dads. When children liveØ with only their moms, the parents
are nine times as likely to have conflict as when children live with their dads.
Children who live with their dadsØ are likely to have more contact with their moms and feel better about
their moms than vice-versa. Put another way, children who live with their dads are more likely to have, in
effect, two parents.
These forms of playØ (roughhousing inherent in father-child interactions) seem to improve child
development in three major areas: the management of emotions, the development of intelligence and
academic achievement.
The decision to keep the childØ with the mother is theoretically made in the best interests of the child;
however, when children were surveyed later in life, fewer than half felt their mother’s motives had anything
to do with their best interests.
TheØ message to men is clear. “You are your children’s visitor” and then we wonder why men don’t
participate equally in childcare.
A child’s bestØ interests are served only when everyone’s interests are considered.
IfØ we expect men to be psychologically involved, we need to give men equal psychological time. If we
expect men to be legally responsible, then close-to-equal time needs to be a legal right.
Equal parenting beginsØ with equal parenting. Equal parenting will not begin, though , if men know that
the investment of their heart will be treated with contempt by the law.
Sometimes a dad’s sense of powerlessness makes him withdraw. We callØ him a deadbeat. It’s usually
more accurate to call him deadened.
InØ states that adopt shared parenting time, divorce rates drop within a few years.
How can we ask men to be more involved with children when we put themØ in prison, deprive them of
equal access and require them to pay more?
Ø But when the woman’s right to move away means that the father and children will become strangers,
then the woman’s right is no more a unilateral right than is the children’s or the father’s right to each other’
s love.
Thus, aØ quarter century’s worth of studies showing domestic violence against men to be more than equal
to domestic violence against women receive so little publicity as to barely make a dent on the public’s
consciousness.
“The risk ofØ suicide has recently risen only for men—from four times higher than women’s risk to almost
five times higher. And divorce increases his risk of suicide even more, to ten times greater than a divorced
woman’s.” — “If he is fighting to be with his and your children, and he loses, I predict we will eventually
discover that American men in that position are about fifteen times more likely to commit suicide than their
wives; if he feels he has been falsely accused of abusing you, about twenty times greater; if he feels he
has been falsely accused of child molestation, about thirty times greater.”
Shared parent timeØ introduces the child to a century of options and the plurality of life; and to the
understanding the while divorce produces change and instability, it also produced the ability to make
changes and develop inner resources in times of instability, that the twenty-first century is marked by
flexibility, not decisions made as a child that are written in stone for life; that parents can divorce and
parents can be good and loving…
8. Excerpts from Horn, W.F. and Sylvester, T. (2002). Father Facts: Fourth Edition. National Fatherhood
Initiative: Gaithersburg , M.D.
One outØ of every three children will go to bed in a home in which his or her father does not live. The fact
is children need their fathers.
Fathers who live with their children are more likely to have a close,Ø enduring relationship with their
children than those who do not.
Ø Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-
esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy,
and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers.
Over the past fourØ decades, Fatherlessness has emerged as one of our greatest social problems.
Fatherlessness is not the only cause of these things, but our nation must recognize it is an important
factor. (President George W. Bush - June, 2001)
A 25-year follow-up of adults who had experienced parental divorceØ when they were 2.4 through 6 years
of age found that no child who saw his or her father under a rigidly enforced court order or unmodified
parental agreement had a good relationship with him after reaching adulthood.
The research isØ absolutely clear… the one human being most capable of curbing the antisocial
aggression of a boy is his biological father.
9. Bauserman, R., (2002) “Child Adjustment in Joint-Custody Versus Sole-Custody Arrangements: A Meta-
Analytic Review”, Journal of Family Psychology, Vol. 16, No. 1, (2002) 91-102.
“Children in joint physical or legal custody were better adjusted than children in sole-custody settings, but
no different from those in intact families. More positive adjustment of joint-custody children held for
separate comparisons of general adjustment, family relationships, self-esteem, emotional and behavioral
adjustment, and divorce-specific adjustment. Joint-custody parents reported less current and past conflict
than did sole-custody parents, but this did not explain the better adjustment of joint-custody children. The
results are consistent with the hypothesis that joint custody can be advantageous for children in some
cases, possibly by facilitating ongoing positive involvement with both parents.”
10. Fabricius, W.V. (2003) Listening to Children of Divorce Family Relations Volume 52 Issue 4 Page 385 -
October 2003.
“I review new findings on (a) college students’ perspectives on their living arrangements after their parents’
divorces, (b) their relations with their parents as a function of their living arrangements, (c) their
adjustment as a function of their parents’ relocation, and (d) the amount of college support they received.
Students endorsed living arrangements that gave them equal time with their fathers, they had better
outcomes when they had such arrangements and when their parents supported their time with the other
parent, they experienced disagreement between mothers and fathers over living arrangements, and they
gave evidence of their fathers’ continuing commitment to them into their young adult years.”
11. Kelly, J. B. (2000). Children’s adjustment in conflicted marriage and divorce: A decade review of
research. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 39, 963-973.
“Joint custody led to better child outcomes overall. “
Kelly, J., Current research on children’s postdivorce adjustment. Family and Conciliation Courts Review,
31.29-49, 1993
12. On child satisfaction: “Children have expressed higher levels of satisfaction with joint physical custody
than with sole custody arrangements; citing the benefit of remaining close to both parents. Joint custody
does not create confusion for the majority of youngsters about their living arrangements or about the
finality of the divorce, nor does increase loyalty conflicts (Leupnitz, 1982; Shiller, 1986a, 1986b; Steinman,
1981).”
13. On parent satisfaction: “A surprising finding in one study was that mothers who share custody are
more satisfied than those having sole custody and whose children see their father periodically. However,
both groups expressed more satisfaction with their residential arrangement than did sole-custody mothers
whose children had no paternal contact.”
14. On conflict situations: “Dual-residence (joint physical custody) parents had the highest co-operative-
communication scores but did not differ from mother custody or father custody parents in the amount of
discord. Shared residence did not exacerbate or diminish conflict but did appear to lead to more co-
operative communication.”
15. On child adjustment: “The adjustment of 517 adolescents (aged 10 years, 6 months to 18 years) in
three residential arrangements was compared 4.5 years after separation by Buchanan, Maccoby, and
Dornbusch (in press). Looking at both family process and status variables, these researchers assessed
adolescent adjustment in terms of depression, deviance, school effort, and school grades. Statistically,
more boys were in dual-residence and father-residence arrangements, whereas more girls were in mother-
residence arrangements. Overall, dual-residence adolescents were better adjusted than were mother-
residence adolescents.”
16. According to divorce magazine.com “Fatherless homes account for 63% of youth suicides, 90% of
homeless/runaway children, 85% of all children with behavioral problems, 71% of high school drop outs,
85% of youths in prison, and well over 50% of teen mothers.”
17. Fabricius, W.V. and J. Hall, (2000) “Young Adults Perspective on Divorce”, Family and Conciliation
Courts Review, Vol. 38, 446-461. “Our participants, who have lived through their parents’ divorces and
have now entered young adulthood (and college) have given us their ‘expert’ advice. Seventy percent of
them, men and women alike, believe that living equal amounts of time with each parent is the best
arrangement for children.”
18. Christoffersen, M. N. (1998). Growing up with dad: A comparison of children aged 3-5 years old living
with their mothers or their fathers. Childhood, 5(1), 41-54. This Danish study used a scientific sample,
drawn from national birth records, of 478 single fathers and 532 single mothers, including situations that
can be classified as joint physical custody. Results indicated that children fared better with single fathers,
possibly as a result of greater contact with the other parent (i.e. joint physical custody with mother),
economic stability of fathers, and more social support, including greater contact with grandparents.
19. Ackerman, M.J. and Ackerman, M. “Custody Evaluation Practices: A Survey of Experienced
Professionals (Revisited)”, Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, Vol. 28, No. 2. (1997).
“Psychologists Becoming More Sophisticated In Their Custody Evaluation Practices, Survey Finds”
More Inclined Toward Joint Custody; Less Likely to Make Judgments Based on a Single Factor than 10
Years Ago This report shows that joint custody is becoming the option of choice among experts:
“While in 1986 more than half of the situations on the list prompted an endorsement of one parent over the
other, by 1996, less than a quarter of the items resulted in endorsement of one parent over the other,
indicating a greater preference for joint custody over sole- or single-parent custody than in 1986.”
APA announcement: http://mirror.apa.org/releases/custody.html
20. Adolescents After Divorce, Buchanan, C., Maccoby, and Dornbusch, Harvard University Press,1996. A
study of 517 families with children ranging in age from 10.5 years to 18 years, across a four and a half
year period. Measures were: assessed depression, deviance, school effort, and school grades. Children
in shared parenting arrangements were found to have better adjustment on these measures than those in
sole custody. Joan B. Kelly, one of the most respected experts in the field of children and divorce,
summarized the Buchanan, Maccoby and Dornbusch study as follows: “The adjustment of 517
adolescents (aged 10 years, 6 months to 18 years) in three residential arrangements was compared 4.5
years after separation by Buchanan, Maccoby, and Dornbusch (in press). Looking at both family process
and status variables, these researchers assessed adolescent adjustment in terms of depression,
deviance, school effort, and school grades. Statistically, more boys were in dual-residence and father-
residence arrangements, whereas more girls were in mother-residence arrangements. Overall, dual-
residence adolescents were better adjusted than were mother-residence adolescents.” (Current research
on children’s postdivorce adjustment. Family and Conciliation Courts Review, 31.29-49, 1993)
21. Division 16, School Psychology, American Psychological Association, Report to the U.S. Commission
on Child and Family Welfare, June 14, 1995. This report “summarizes and evaluates the major research
concerning joint custody and its impact on children’s welfare.” The report concludes that “The research
reviewed supports the conclusion that joint custody is associated with certain favorable outcomes for
children including father involvement, best interest of the child for adjustment outcomes, child support,
reduced relitigation costs, and sometimes reduced parental conflict.” The APA also noted that “The need
for improved policy to reduce the present adversarial approach that has resulted in primarily sole maternal
custody, limited father involvement and maladjustment of both children and parents is critical. Increased
mediation, joint custody, and parent education are supported for this policy.”
22. More than a quarter of American children—nearly 17 million—do not live with their father. Girls without
a father in their life are two and a half times as likely to get pregnant and 53 percent more likely to commit
suicide. Boys without a father in their life are 63 percent more likely to run away and 37 percent more likely
to abuse drugs. Both girls and boys are twice as likely to drop out of high school, twice as likely to end up
in jail and nearly four times as likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems.” —HHS Press
Release, Friday, March 26, 1999.”
23. Children who live without contact with their biological father are 5 times more likely to live in poverty,
more likely to bring weapons and drugs into the classroom, twice as likely to commit crime, twice as likely to
drop out of school, twice as likely to be abused, more likely to commit suicide, more than twice as likely to
abuse alcohol or drugs, and more likely to become pregnant as teenagers. The best predictor of crime in
a community is the percentage of absent father households. Seventy percent of U.S. citizens believe that
the most significant family or social problem facing the U.S. is the physical absence of the father from the
home, resulting in a lack of involvement of fathers in the rearing and development of children. There is a
social need to reconnect children and fathers. For the future of the United States and the future of our
children, Congress, States and local communities should assist parents to become more actively involved
in their children’s lives. Domininci & Bayh, 1999. Introduction to the Responsible Fatherhood Bill (S. 1364)
24. Found the same correlation between joint physical custody awards and reduced divorce. They
conjectured that fathers are more likely to form strong bonds with children if they know that their
relationship would be protected through joint physical custody in the event of a divorce. Margaret F.
Brining and F.H. Buckley, “Joint Custody: Bonding and Monitoring Theories,” 73 Indiana Law Journal 393
(1998).
25. There is a significant correlation between joint physical custody awards and reduced divorce rates.
Kuhn, R. & Guidubaldi, J., 1997. Child Custody Policies and Divorce Rates in the U.S. 11th Annual
Conference of the Children’s Rights Council. October, 1997, Washington , D.C.
26. A study of 517 families with children ranging in age from 10.5 years to 18 years, across a four and a
half year period. Measures were: assessed depression, deviance, school effort, and school grades.
Children in shared parenting arrangements were found to have better adjustment on these measures than
those in sole custody. Adolescents After Divorce, Buchanan, C., Maccoby, and Dornbusch, Harvard
University Press,1996 This study re-confirmed the negative effects of divorce and high conflict between
parents (in divorce or marriage), particularly in risk of drug use, lower academic achievement and behavior
problems. However, some factors reduced problems: 1) children whose fathers remain involved with their
school activities have better outcomes, 2) divorce and custody mediation results in lower conflict between
parents, 3) joint custody leads to better outcomes for children. Joan B. Kelly, one of the most respected
experts in the field of children and divorce, summarized the Buchanan, Maccoby and Dornbusch study as
follows: “The adjustment of 517 adolescents (aged 10 years, 6 months to 18 years) in three residential
arrangements was compared 4.5 years after separation by Buchanan, Maccoby, and Dornbusch (1996).
Looking at both family process and status variables, these researchers assessed adolescent adjustment in
terms of depression, deviance, school effort, and school grades. Statistically, more boys were in dual-
residence and father-residence arrangements, whereas more girls were in mother-residence
arrangements. Overall, dual-residence adolescents were better adjusted than were mother-residence
adolescents.” Kelly, J. B. Children’s adjustment in conflicted marriage and divorce: A decade review of
research. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 39, 963-973 (2000).
27. Studies have shown that the amount of contact non-residential fathers have with their children
diminishes over time due to social rules of father disengagement, lack of skills, societal ambivalence
toward fatherhood, geographic mobility, remarriage, lack of access, psychological pain at not being able to
see their children, inadequate financial resources, feeling the pain of the artificial nature of visitation,
diminished parenting role, unequal custody power and litigation. Nord, C.W. and Zill, N. (1996). Non-
Custodial Parents’ Participation in Their Children’s Lives: Evidence from the Survey of Income and
Program Participation. Vol II: Synthesis of Literature. Prepared for the Office of the Assistant Secretary for
Planning and Evaluation, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
28. This report “summarizes and evaluates the major research concerning joint custody and its impact on
children’s welfare.” The report concludes that “The research reviewed supports the conclusion that joint
custody is associated with certain favorable outcomes for children including father involvement, best
interest of the child for adjustment outcomes, child support, reduced relitigation costs, and sometimes
reduced parental conflict.” The APA also noted that “The need for improved policy to reduce the present
adversarial approach that has resulted in primarily sole maternal custody, limited father involvement and
maladjustment of both children and parents is critical. Increased mediation, joint custody, and parent
education are supported for this policy.” Division 16, School Psychology, American Psychological
Association, Report to the U.S. Commission on Child and Family Welfare, June 14, 1995.
29. “Joint custody is also the preferred option in high conflict situations because it helps reduce the conflict
over time - and that is in the best interests of the children.” Bender reviews current and historical research
on the ‘myths’ of joint custody, i.e. - that joint custody should not be awarded when the mother objects or in
high conflict matters. The article describes the benefits of joint custody including that children adjust
better post-divorce in joint custody as compared to sole custody awards, children’s attachment to both
parents post-divorce is essential for healthy child development, joint custody leads to higher levels of
financial compliance, relitigation is lower as compared to sole custody, and joint custody leads to the best
outcome for children even in high conflict situations because it forces resolution and best leads to
reduction of child stress in the long term. Bender, W.N. 1994. Joint custody: The option of choice. Journal
of Divorce & Remarriage 21 (3/4): 115-131.
30. “Children have expressed higher levels of satisfaction with joint physical custody than with sole custody
arrangements; citing the benefit of remaining close to both parents. Joint custody does not create
confusion for the majority of youngsters about their living arrangements or about the finality of the divorce,
nor does increase loyalty conflicts (Leupnitz, 1982; Shiller, 1986a, 1986b; Steinman, 1981).” Kelly, J.,
Current research on children’s postdivorce adjustment. Family and Conciliation Courts Review, 31.29-49,
1993
31. When both parents share the social and economic responsibilities of childcare, children appear to
adapt better to their changed living arrangements than when the mothers bear these responsibilities
alone. Seltzer, Journal of Marriage and the Family, 1991.
32. Conflict between divorcing parents did not appear to worsen as a result of the increased demand for
interparental cooperation and communication in joint legal or joint residential custody arrangements.
Pearson, J. & Thoennes, N., 1990. Custody after Divorce: Demographic and attitudinal patterns, American
Journal of Orthopsychiatry, Vol 60.
Shirley Thomas, author and clinical psychologist
August 09, 2007
http://www.grandforks.com/mld/grandforks/news/editorial/15320602.htm
Posted on Sun, Aug. 20, 2006
PRAIRIE VOICES: Shared parenting
More and more states tailor their custody laws to recognize that children need both mother, father,
Colorado author and psychologist says
By Doreen Yellow Bird
Herald Staff Writer
Shirley Thomas, author and clinical psychologist
The American Psychological Association referred the Herald to Thomas as a specialist in the psychology
of custody issues and divorce. The Herald called the association to talk about those issues in connection
with the North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative, which is likely to be on the state ballot in November.
Thomas, who holds a doctoral degree in psychology from the University of Colorado , directs court-
certified divorce education programs in the Boulder , Colo. , area and is the author of three co-parenting
books. Thomas lives in Longmont , Colo.
In North Dakota , a parenting initiative is likely to go before the voters in November. It is about the custody
of children after a divorce. It declares that “absent a finding of parental unfitness, parents retain joint legal
and joint physical custody of their children” and that “parents shall develop a joint parenting plan, or if they
can not agree to such a plan, the court shall facilitate production of a parenting plan with them.”
If the initiative passes, what will be the likely result?
Every state is struggling with the issue of responsibilities between the parents and how the needs of the
children should be addressed. You’re using the term “shared parenting.” That means parents have an
obligation to put their heads together and develop a plan for how their children are going to be raised
once they no longer have a relationship, rather than leave that up to the state. Part of the discussion is the
court’s responsibilities versus how much the parents should do themselves. It sounds like the initiative you’
re talking about would require parents to develop their shared parenting plan. That would not bear on how
much time each parent spends with the children, but would bear on writing their intentions about much time
each one spends and who would make decisions for the children.
Every state, including North Dakota , is trying to turn more responsibility to the parents—and what they file,
they’ll be held to. A majority of parents, in most states, willingly sit down and write out a parenting plan.
Seventy percent of all parents can and do that with no problem, but 30 percent of parents argue and
disagree about a parenting plan. It’s this 30 percent that everyone is worried about. The initiative,
therefore, is telling this 30 percent that they have the responsibility to work out a parenting plan for their
children.
So, the word “shared” can mean the child lives in one home 90 percent of the time or in each home 50
percent of time. The amount of time the children spend with each parent is a separate question from the
fact they are making up a parenting plan and will file it in court.
In default, when parents cannot and will not, the court then will set up the parenting plan.
When they use the word “shared” in any kind of legislation, they mean that we are working toward a model
in our country where both parents continue to take part in children’s lives as opposed to one parent raising
the children with the other parent “visiting” the children. I don’t know if North Dakota still uses the term
visitation, but Colorado , does not use this term. We used the word “parenting time.” That means parents
do not “visit” their own children, they “parent” them, even if they only have 5 percent of the time with them.
The change we are undergoing is that parents are more and more required to make their own parenting
plan, and they are required more and more to get along with one another.
When we called the American Psychological Association for information about custody and divorce, they
gave us a list of specialists in those subjects, and your name was on the list. Does the association have an
official position on shared parenting?
I believe the association is neutral. There has been a national movement, and the national psychological
association is on top of it. They say there is no inherent bias in favor of either parent, but there always is
discussion going on as to what is good for children. Every state uses a “what’s best for the children”
standard.
How would the North Dakota initiative affect children?
It would affect children to the extent that parents are able to work out a parenting plan. Even though the
parents are living separately, the children still have both of them as parents. That is true whether the
parents are married and living together or never married and never lived together, but the child knows and
has a relationship with each one.
Research has found that the most important thing for children is how the parents get along with one
another. That is, in fact, more important than how much time is spent in each home. It is somewhat
unrelated to the matter of child support, except that in reality, parents who are left out of the parenting plan
tend not to pay their child support because feel they aren’t involved in making the parenting plan.
Research shows that, too.
Some critics say the initiative’s supporters simply are trying to get out of paying some child support. Do
you think there is any merit in that claim?
It may be that the child support issue is part of why this initiative is being introduced. It balances the
amount of payments and the amount of time spent. As a mental health professional, I usually don’t get into
the matter of figuring child support. But, in reality, people do tie child support to time spent with the child.
There is no way of separating the two in the view of parents who are disgruntled because they are not
included in the child’s life, yet they have to pay.
It long has been believed that women tend to be better caretakers of children. Does research support that?
No. There is a change going on with the roles of fathers and mothers in our country. There is no proof that
women and better caretakers than fathers, especially with the redefinition of the roles in which we have
many stay-at-home fathers. Many fathers are at home with infants while mothers go back to their jobs.
That is part of the change in roles that happened since the 1960s.
Historically, mothers were assigned most of the early-life caretaking duties of babies and infants. That is
an extension of the fact that they bore the children. There was some belief that children were born with
relationships to mothers. There may be something to the fact that mothers take naturally to motherhood,
while fathers have to be shown how to care for infants. But what we are finding is that when fathers are
involved, they are able to do the early-life caretaking just as well as mothers. The expectations are
different, but they are equally important. So, to carry on with the belief that all early-life caretaking should
be done by mothers is old-fashioned thinking and not supported by research.
A woman is important to the growth of a female into puberty. The mother becomes an important teacher
and role model for this transition. She can help a sons grow into adulthood, too.
Can a father do these as well?
Yes, a father can do these as well. There is a line of thinking that agrees with your statement that a mother
can help a daughter. But daughters need to relate to their fathers equally as well in order to learn how to
talk to the opposite sex and how to enter into relationships as they grow older. One of the roles of each
parent is to interact with the child of the opposite sex in an appropriate way, so the child is comfortable
emerging into adolescence. As far as feminine hygiene and the puberty changes that the bodies go
through, especially with girls, girls do need time with their mothers to learn, confide and be shown how to
do things. But they don’t need to be in the home full time for that education to take place. In custody
situations, they can be told when go to the mother’s home. Sensitive fathers also can talk with girls about
menstruation.
So, you’re saying that the proposal for shared parenting sounds reasonable and could benefit both
parents and child? It sounds like a reasonable proposal to me and is in line with what’s happening across
our country as far everyone believing and getting on board with the fact that children need both parents.
Any final words?
I would encourage the people in your area to take advantage of parent education programs. Along with the
books, there is information out there. It is part of the culture change, and young people should avail
themselves to these sources.
August 09, 2007
1. Sigmund Freud once wrote, “I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s
protection.”
2. It is ironic, and of some interest, that we have subjected joint custody to a level and intensity of scrutiny
that was never directed toward the traditional post-divorce arrangement (sole legal and physical custody to
the mother and two weekends each month of visiting to the father.) Developmental and relationship theory
should have alerted the mental health field to the potential immediate and long range consequences for
the child of only seeing a parent four days each month. And yet until recently, there was no particular
challenge to this traditional post-divorce parenting arrangement, despite growing evidence that such post-
divorce relationships were not sufficiently nurturing or stabilizing for many children and parents. There is
some evidence that in our well-meaning efforts to save children in the immediate post-separation period
from anxiety, confusion, and the normative divorce-engendered conflict, we have set the stage in the
longer run for the more ominous symptoms of anger, depression, and a deep sense of loss by depriving
the child of the opportunity to maintain a full relationship with each parent. Kelly, J. 1991. Examining
Resistance to Joint Custody. Joint Custody and Shared Parenting, second edition, Guilford Press.
3. Over the last four decades, there has been a dramatic increase in the number of children growing up in
homes without fathers. In 1960, fewer than 10 million children did not live with their fathers. Today, the
number is nearly 25 million. More than one-third of these children will not see their fathers at all during the
course of a year. Studies show that children who grow up without responsible fathers are significantly more
likely to experience poverty, perform poorly in school, engage in criminal activity, and abuse drugs and
alcohol. HHS supports programs and policies that reflect the critical role that both fathers and mothers play
in building strong and successful families and in the well-being of children. President Bush and HHS
Secretary Tommy G. Thompson have made promoting involved, committed, responsible fatherhood a
national priority. On initiative includes encouraging more responsible fathering by non-custodial parents.
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services fact sheet: Promoting responsible Fatherhood (2002).
4. These findings indicate that children do not actually need to be in a joint physical custody to show better
adjustment but just need to spend substantial time with both parents, especially their fathers. Also, joint
custody couples reported less conflict; possibly because both parents could participate in their children’s
lives equally and not spend the time arguing over childcare decisions. Unfortunately a perception exists
that joint custody is more harmful because it exposes children to ongoing parental conflict. In fact, the
studies in this review found that sole-custody parents reported higher levels of conflict. Review by the
American Psychological Association of Bauserman, R. (2002). Child Adjustment in Joint-Custody versus
Sole-Custody Arrangements: A Meta-Analytic Review. Journal of Family Psychology, V 16, n 1.
5. The benefits of maintaining contact with both parents exceed any special need for relationships with
male or female parents. The empirical literature also shows that infants and toddlers need regular
interaction with both of their parents to foster and maintain their attachments...In addition, it is necessary
for the interactions with both parents to occur in a variety of contexts (feeding, playing, diapering,
soothing, putting to bed, etc.) to ensure that the relationships are consolidated and strengthened. In
general, relationships with parents play a crucial role in shaping children’s social, emotional, personal, and
cognitive development, and there is a substantial literature documenting the adverse effects of disrupted
parent-child relationships on children’s development and adjustment. There is substantial evidence that
children are more likely to attain their psychological potential when they are able to develop and maintain
meaningful relationships with both of their parents, whether the two parents live together or not. Very
large research literatures now document the adverse effects of severed father-child relationships as well
as the positive contributions that fathers make to their children’s research. To be responsive to the infant’s
psychological needs, the parenting schedules adopted for children younger than 2 or 3 must involve more
transitions, rather than fewer, to ensure the continuity of both relationships and the child’s security and
comfort during a time of great change. The ideal situation is one in which infants and toddlers have
opportunities to interact with both parents every day or every other day in a variety of functional contexts
(feeding, play, discipline, basic care, limit setting, putting to bed, etc.). Unfortunately, the concept of
location-engendered stability (one home, one bed) has been incorrectly overemphasized for infants and
toddlers, without due consideration for the greater significance to the child of the emotional, social, and
cognitive contributions of both parent-child relationship. Living in one location (geographic stability)
ensures only one type of stability. Stability is also created for infants (and older children) by the
predictable comings and goings of both parents, regular feeding and sleeping schedules, consistent and
appropriate care, and affection and acceptance. There is absolutely no evidence that children’s
psychological adjustment or the relationship between children and their parents are harmed when children
spend overnight periods with their other parents. Indeed, there is substantial evidence regarding the
benefits of these regular experiences. Kelly, J.B. & Lamb , M.E. , 2000. Using child development research
to make appropriate custody and access decisions for young children. Family and Conciliation Courts
Review. Vol 38 Issue: 3: 297-311, Sage Publications.
6. On May 1, 2000, Wisconsin ’s new custody, placement and paternity reform legislation went into effect.
In signing this legislation, Governor Tommy G. Thompson (now HHS Secretary) stated, “we need to do
more to make sure both parents are fully involved in the raising of their children, particularly fathers… I am
confident the provisions I am signing help strike a better balance.”
7. Excerpts from Farrell, Warren Ph.D. (2001). Father and Child Reunion : How to Bring the Dads We
Need to the Children We Love. Penguin Putnam Inc., NY.
The “right” for which fathers’ -rights groups are fighting is the right toØ more responsibility for children.
When divorce occurs, men’s biggest fear is emotional insecurity; women’s isØ economic security—men’s
biggest fear is typically, losing their children women’s is poverty. A mother who has a true motherhood
instinct willØ be fighting for the father to be involved as if her children’s lives depended on it. The amount
of time a father spends with a child is one of theØ strongest predictors of empathy in adulthood.
The most important factor by far in preventing drug use is a close relationship with dad.
Few people know that children do better with dads. When children liveØ with only their moms, the parents
are nine times as likely to have conflict as when children live with their dads.
Children who live with their dadsØ are likely to have more contact with their moms and feel better about
their moms than vice-versa. Put another way, children who live with their dads are more likely to have, in
effect, two parents.
These forms of playØ (roughhousing inherent in father-child interactions) seem to improve child
development in three major areas: the management of emotions, the development of intelligence and
academic achievement.
The decision to keep the childØ with the mother is theoretically made in the best interests of the child;
however, when children were surveyed later in life, fewer than half felt their mother’s motives had anything
to do with their best interests.
TheØ message to men is clear. “You are your children’s visitor” and then we wonder why men don’t
participate equally in childcare.
A child’s bestØ interests are served only when everyone’s interests are considered.
IfØ we expect men to be psychologically involved, we need to give men equal psychological time. If we
expect men to be legally responsible, then close-to-equal time needs to be a legal right.
Equal parenting beginsØ with equal parenting. Equal parenting will not begin, though , if men know that
the investment of their heart will be treated with contempt by the law.
Sometimes a dad’s sense of powerlessness makes him withdraw. We callØ him a deadbeat. It’s usually
more accurate to call him deadened.
InØ states that adopt shared parenting time, divorce rates drop within a few years.
How can we ask men to be more involved with children when we put themØ in prison, deprive them of
equal access and require them to pay more?
Ø But when the woman’s right to move away means that the father and children will become strangers,
then the woman’s right is no more a unilateral right than is the children’s or the father’s right to each other’
s love.
Thus, aØ quarter century’s worth of studies showing domestic violence against men to be more than equal
to domestic violence against women receive so little publicity as to barely make a dent on the public’s
consciousness.
“The risk ofØ suicide has recently risen only for men—from four times higher than women’s risk to almost
five times higher. And divorce increases his risk of suicide even more, to ten times greater than a divorced
woman’s.” — “If he is fighting to be with his and your children, and he loses, I predict we will eventually
discover that American men in that position are about fifteen times more likely to commit suicide than their
wives; if he feels he has been falsely accused of abusing you, about twenty times greater; if he feels he
has been falsely accused of child molestation, about thirty times greater.”
Shared parent timeØ introduces the child to a century of options and the plurality of life; and to the
understanding the while divorce produces change and instability, it also produced the ability to make
changes and develop inner resources in times of instability, that the twenty-first century is marked by
flexibility, not decisions made as a child that are written in stone for life; that parents can divorce and
parents can be good and loving…
8. Excerpts from Horn, W.F. and Sylvester, T. (2002). Father Facts: Fourth Edition. National Fatherhood
Initiative: Gaithersburg , M.D.
One outØ of every three children will go to bed in a home in which his or her father does not live. The fact
is children need their fathers.
Fathers who live with their children are more likely to have a close,Ø enduring relationship with their
children than those who do not.
Ø Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-
esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy,
and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers.
Over the past fourØ decades, Fatherlessness has emerged as one of our greatest social problems.
Fatherlessness is not the only cause of these things, but our nation must recognize it is an important
factor. (President George W. Bush - June, 2001)
A 25-year follow-up of adults who had experienced parental divorceØ when they were 2.4 through 6 years
of age found that no child who saw his or her father under a rigidly enforced court order or unmodified
parental agreement had a good relationship with him after reaching adulthood.
The research isØ absolutely clear… the one human being most capable of curbing the antisocial
aggression of a boy is his biological father.
9. Bauserman, R., (2002) “Child Adjustment in Joint-Custody Versus Sole-Custody Arrangements: A Meta-
Analytic Review”, Journal of Family Psychology, Vol. 16, No. 1, (2002) 91-102.
“Children in joint physical or legal custody were better adjusted than children in sole-custody settings, but
no different from those in intact families. More positive adjustment of joint-custody children held for
separate comparisons of general adjustment, family relationships, self-esteem, emotional and behavioral
adjustment, and divorce-specific adjustment. Joint-custody parents reported less current and past conflict
than did sole-custody parents, but this did not explain the better adjustment of joint-custody children. The
results are consistent with the hypothesis that joint custody can be advantageous for children in some
cases, possibly by facilitating ongoing positive involvement with both parents.”
10. Fabricius, W.V. (2003) Listening to Children of Divorce Family Relations Volume 52 Issue 4 Page 385 -
October 2003.
“I review new findings on (a) college students’ perspectives on their living arrangements after their parents’
divorces, (b) their relations with their parents as a function of their living arrangements, (c) their
adjustment as a function of their parents’ relocation, and (d) the amount of college support they received.
Students endorsed living arrangements that gave them equal time with their fathers, they had better
outcomes when they had such arrangements and when their parents supported their time with the other
parent, they experienced disagreement between mothers and fathers over living arrangements, and they
gave evidence of their fathers’ continuing commitment to them into their young adult years.”
11. Kelly, J. B. (2000). Children’s adjustment in conflicted marriage and divorce: A decade review of
research. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 39, 963-973.
“Joint custody led to better child outcomes overall. “
Kelly, J., Current research on children’s postdivorce adjustment. Family and Conciliation Courts Review,
31.29-49, 1993
12. On child satisfaction: “Children have expressed higher levels of satisfaction with joint physical custody
than with sole custody arrangements; citing the benefit of remaining close to both parents. Joint custody
does not create confusion for the majority of youngsters about their living arrangements or about the
finality of the divorce, nor does increase loyalty conflicts (Leupnitz, 1982; Shiller, 1986a, 1986b; Steinman,
1981).”
13. On parent satisfaction: “A surprising finding in one study was that mothers who share custody are
more satisfied than those having sole custody and whose children see their father periodically. However,
both groups expressed more satisfaction with their residential arrangement than did sole-custody mothers
whose children had no paternal contact.”
14. On conflict situations: “Dual-residence (joint physical custody) parents had the highest co-operative-
communication scores but did not differ from mother custody or father custody parents in the amount of
discord. Shared residence did not exacerbate or diminish conflict but did appear to lead to more co-
operative communication.”
15. On child adjustment: “The adjustment of 517 adolescents (aged 10 years, 6 months to 18 years) in
three residential arrangements was compared 4.5 years after separation by Buchanan, Maccoby, and
Dornbusch (in press). Looking at both family process and status variables, these researchers assessed
adolescent adjustment in terms of depression, deviance, school effort, and school grades. Statistically,
more boys were in dual-residence and father-residence arrangements, whereas more girls were in mother-
residence arrangements. Overall, dual-residence adolescents were better adjusted than were mother-
residence adolescents.”
16. According to divorce magazine.com “Fatherless homes account for 63% of youth suicides, 90% of
homeless/runaway children, 85% of all children with behavioral problems, 71% of high school drop outs,
85% of youths in prison, and well over 50% of teen mothers.”
17. Fabricius, W.V. and J. Hall, (2000) “Young Adults Perspective on Divorce”, Family and Conciliation
Courts Review, Vol. 38, 446-461. “Our participants, who have lived through their parents’ divorces and
have now entered young adulthood (and college) have given us their ‘expert’ advice. Seventy percent of
them, men and women alike, believe that living equal amounts of time with each parent is the best
arrangement for children.”
18. Christoffersen, M. N. (1998). Growing up with dad: A comparison of children aged 3-5 years old living
with their mothers or their fathers. Childhood, 5(1), 41-54. This Danish study used a scientific sample,
drawn from national birth records, of 478 single fathers and 532 single mothers, including situations that
can be classified as joint physical custody. Results indicated that children fared better with single fathers,
possibly as a result of greater contact with the other parent (i.e. joint physical custody with mother),
economic stability of fathers, and more social support, including greater contact with grandparents.
19. Ackerman, M.J. and Ackerman, M. “Custody Evaluation Practices: A Survey of Experienced
Professionals (Revisited)”, Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, Vol. 28, No. 2. (1997).
“Psychologists Becoming More Sophisticated In Their Custody Evaluation Practices, Survey Finds”
More Inclined Toward Joint Custody; Less Likely to Make Judgments Based on a Single Factor than 10
Years Ago This report shows that joint custody is becoming the option of choice among experts:
“While in 1986 more than half of the situations on the list prompted an endorsement of one parent over the
other, by 1996, less than a quarter of the items resulted in endorsement of one parent over the other,
indicating a greater preference for joint custody over sole- or single-parent custody than in 1986.”
APA announcement: http://mirror.apa.org/releases/custody.html
20. Adolescents After Divorce, Buchanan, C., Maccoby, and Dornbusch, Harvard University Press,1996. A
study of 517 families with children ranging in age from 10.5 years to 18 years, across a four and a half
year period. Measures were: assessed depression, deviance, school effort, and school grades. Children
in shared parenting arrangements were found to have better adjustment on these measures than those in
sole custody. Joan B. Kelly, one of the most respected experts in the field of children and divorce,
summarized the Buchanan, Maccoby and Dornbusch study as follows: “The adjustment of 517
adolescents (aged 10 years, 6 months to 18 years) in three residential arrangements was compared 4.5
years after separation by Buchanan, Maccoby, and Dornbusch (in press). Looking at both family process
and status variables, these researchers assessed adolescent adjustment in terms of depression,
deviance, school effort, and school grades. Statistically, more boys were in dual-residence and father-
residence arrangements, whereas more girls were in mother-residence arrangements. Overall, dual-
residence adolescents were better adjusted than were mother-residence adolescents.” (Current research
on children’s postdivorce adjustment. Family and Conciliation Courts Review, 31.29-49, 1993)
21. Division 16, School Psychology, American Psychological Association, Report to the U.S. Commission
on Child and Family Welfare, June 14, 1995. This report “summarizes and evaluates the major research
concerning joint custody and its impact on children’s welfare.” The report concludes that “The research
reviewed supports the conclusion that joint custody is associated with certain favorable outcomes for
children including father involvement, best interest of the child for adjustment outcomes, child support,
reduced relitigation costs, and sometimes reduced parental conflict.” The APA also noted that “The need
for improved policy to reduce the present adversarial approach that has resulted in primarily sole maternal
custody, limited father involvement and maladjustment of both children and parents is critical. Increased
mediation, joint custody, and parent education are supported for this policy.”
22. More than a quarter of American children—nearly 17 million—do not live with their father. Girls without
a father in their life are two and a half times as likely to get pregnant and 53 percent more likely to commit
suicide. Boys without a father in their life are 63 percent more likely to run away and 37 percent more likely
to abuse drugs. Both girls and boys are twice as likely to drop out of high school, twice as likely to end up
in jail and nearly four times as likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems.” —HHS Press
Release, Friday, March 26, 1999.”
23. Children who live without contact with their biological father are 5 times more likely to live in poverty,
more likely to bring weapons and drugs into the classroom, twice as likely to commit crime, twice as likely to
drop out of school, twice as likely to be abused, more likely to commit suicide, more than twice as likely to
abuse alcohol or drugs, and more likely to become pregnant as teenagers. The best predictor of crime in
a community is the percentage of absent father households. Seventy percent of U.S. citizens believe that
the most significant family or social problem facing the U.S. is the physical absence of the father from the
home, resulting in a lack of involvement of fathers in the rearing and development of children. There is a
social need to reconnect children and fathers. For the future of the United States and the future of our
children, Congress, States and local communities should assist parents to become more actively involved
in their children’s lives. Domininci & Bayh, 1999. Introduction to the Responsible Fatherhood Bill (S. 1364)
24. Found the same correlation between joint physical custody awards and reduced divorce. They
conjectured that fathers are more likely to form strong bonds with children if they know that their
relationship would be protected through joint physical custody in the event of a divorce. Margaret F.
Brining and F.H. Buckley, “Joint Custody: Bonding and Monitoring Theories,” 73 Indiana Law Journal 393
(1998).
25. There is a significant correlation between joint physical custody awards and reduced divorce rates.
Kuhn, R. & Guidubaldi, J., 1997. Child Custody Policies and Divorce Rates in the U.S. 11th Annual
Conference of the Children’s Rights Council. October, 1997, Washington , D.C.
26. A study of 517 families with children ranging in age from 10.5 years to 18 years, across a four and a
half year period. Measures were: assessed depression, deviance, school effort, and school grades.
Children in shared parenting arrangements were found to have better adjustment on these measures than
those in sole custody. Adolescents After Divorce, Buchanan, C., Maccoby, and Dornbusch, Harvard
University Press,1996 This study re-confirmed the negative effects of divorce and high conflict between
parents (in divorce or marriage), particularly in risk of drug use, lower academic achievement and behavior
problems. However, some factors reduced problems: 1) children whose fathers remain involved with their
school activities have better outcomes, 2) divorce and custody mediation results in lower conflict between
parents, 3) joint custody leads to better outcomes for children. Joan B. Kelly, one of the most respected
experts in the field of children and divorce, summarized the Buchanan, Maccoby and Dornbusch study as
follows: “The adjustment of 517 adolescents (aged 10 years, 6 months to 18 years) in three residential
arrangements was compared 4.5 years after separation by Buchanan, Maccoby, and Dornbusch (1996).
Looking at both family process and status variables, these researchers assessed adolescent adjustment in
terms of depression, deviance, school effort, and school grades. Statistically, more boys were in dual-
residence and father-residence arrangements, whereas more girls were in mother-residence
arrangements. Overall, dual-residence adolescents were better adjusted than were mother-residence
adolescents.” Kelly, J. B. Children’s adjustment in conflicted marriage and divorce: A decade review of
research. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 39, 963-973 (2000).
27. Studies have shown that the amount of contact non-residential fathers have with their children
diminishes over time due to social rules of father disengagement, lack of skills, societal ambivalence
toward fatherhood, geographic mobility, remarriage, lack of access, psychological pain at not being able to
see their children, inadequate financial resources, feeling the pain of the artificial nature of visitation,
diminished parenting role, unequal custody power and litigation. Nord, C.W. and Zill, N. (1996). Non-
Custodial Parents’ Participation in Their Children’s Lives: Evidence from the Survey of Income and
Program Participation. Vol II: Synthesis of Literature. Prepared for the Office of the Assistant Secretary for
Planning and Evaluation, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
28. This report “summarizes and evaluates the major research concerning joint custody and its impact on
children’s welfare.” The report concludes that “The research reviewed supports the conclusion that joint
custody is associated with certain favorable outcomes for children including father involvement, best
interest of the child for adjustment outcomes, child support, reduced relitigation costs, and sometimes
reduced parental conflict.” The APA also noted that “The need for improved policy to reduce the present
adversarial approach that has resulted in primarily sole maternal custody, limited father involvement and
maladjustment of both children and parents is critical. Increased mediation, joint custody, and parent
education are supported for this policy.” Division 16, School Psychology, American Psychological
Association, Report to the U.S. Commission on Child and Family Welfare, June 14, 1995.
29. “Joint custody is also the preferred option in high conflict situations because it helps reduce the conflict
over time - and that is in the best interests of the children.” Bender reviews current and historical research
on the ‘myths’ of joint custody, i.e. - that joint custody should not be awarded when the mother objects or in
high conflict matters. The article describes the benefits of joint custody including that children adjust
better post-divorce in joint custody as compared to sole custody awards, children’s attachment to both
parents post-divorce is essential for healthy child development, joint custody leads to higher levels of
financial compliance, relitigation is lower as compared to sole custody, and joint custody leads to the best
outcome for children even in high conflict situations because it forces resolution and best leads to
reduction of child stress in the long term. Bender, W.N. 1994. Joint custody: The option of choice. Journal
of Divorce & Remarriage 21 (3/4): 115-131.
30. “Children have expressed higher levels of satisfaction with joint physical custody than with sole custody
arrangements; citing the benefit of remaining close to both parents. Joint custody does not create
confusion for the majority of youngsters about their living arrangements or about the finality of the divorce,
nor does increase loyalty conflicts (Leupnitz, 1982; Shiller, 1986a, 1986b; Steinman, 1981).” Kelly, J.,
Current research on children’s postdivorce adjustment. Family and Conciliation Courts Review, 31.29-49,
1993
31. When both parents share the social and economic responsibilities of childcare, children appear to
adapt better to their changed living arrangements than when the mothers bear these responsibilities
alone. Seltzer, Journal of Marriage and the Family, 1991.
32. Conflict between divorcing parents did not appear to worsen as a result of the increased demand for
interparental cooperation and communication in joint legal or joint residential custody arrangements.
Pearson, J. & Thoennes, N., 1990. Custody after Divorce: Demographic and attitudinal patterns, American
Journal of Orthopsychiatry, Vol 60.
Shirley Thomas, author and clinical psychologist
August 09, 2007
http://www.grandforks.com/mld/grandforks/news/editorial/15320602.htm
Posted on Sun, Aug. 20, 2006
PRAIRIE VOICES: Shared parenting
More and more states tailor their custody laws to recognize that children need both mother, father,
Colorado author and psychologist says
By Doreen Yellow Bird
Herald Staff Writer
Shirley Thomas, author and clinical psychologist
The American Psychological Association referred the Herald to Thomas as a specialist in the psychology
of custody issues and divorce. The Herald called the association to talk about those issues in connection
with the North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative, which is likely to be on the state ballot in November.
Thomas, who holds a doctoral degree in psychology from the University of Colorado , directs court-
certified divorce education programs in the Boulder , Colo. , area and is the author of three co-parenting
books. Thomas lives in Longmont , Colo.
In North Dakota , a parenting initiative is likely to go before the voters in November. It is about the custody
of children after a divorce. It declares that “absent a finding of parental unfitness, parents retain joint legal
and joint physical custody of their children” and that “parents shall develop a joint parenting plan, or if they
can not agree to such a plan, the court shall facilitate production of a parenting plan with them.”
If the initiative passes, what will be the likely result?
Every state is struggling with the issue of responsibilities between the parents and how the needs of the
children should be addressed. You’re using the term “shared parenting.” That means parents have an
obligation to put their heads together and develop a plan for how their children are going to be raised
once they no longer have a relationship, rather than leave that up to the state. Part of the discussion is the
court’s responsibilities versus how much the parents should do themselves. It sounds like the initiative you’
re talking about would require parents to develop their shared parenting plan. That would not bear on how
much time each parent spends with the children, but would bear on writing their intentions about much time
each one spends and who would make decisions for the children.
Every state, including North Dakota , is trying to turn more responsibility to the parents—and what they file,
they’ll be held to. A majority of parents, in most states, willingly sit down and write out a parenting plan.
Seventy percent of all parents can and do that with no problem, but 30 percent of parents argue and
disagree about a parenting plan. It’s this 30 percent that everyone is worried about. The initiative,
therefore, is telling this 30 percent that they have the responsibility to work out a parenting plan for their
children.
So, the word “shared” can mean the child lives in one home 90 percent of the time or in each home 50
percent of time. The amount of time the children spend with each parent is a separate question from the
fact they are making up a parenting plan and will file it in court.
In default, when parents cannot and will not, the court then will set up the parenting plan.
When they use the word “shared” in any kind of legislation, they mean that we are working toward a model
in our country where both parents continue to take part in children’s lives as opposed to one parent raising
the children with the other parent “visiting” the children. I don’t know if North Dakota still uses the term
visitation, but Colorado , does not use this term. We used the word “parenting time.” That means parents
do not “visit” their own children, they “parent” them, even if they only have 5 percent of the time with them.
The change we are undergoing is that parents are more and more required to make their own parenting
plan, and they are required more and more to get along with one another.
When we called the American Psychological Association for information about custody and divorce, they
gave us a list of specialists in those subjects, and your name was on the list. Does the association have an
official position on shared parenting?
I believe the association is neutral. There has been a national movement, and the national psychological
association is on top of it. They say there is no inherent bias in favor of either parent, but there always is
discussion going on as to what is good for children. Every state uses a “what’s best for the children”
standard.
How would the North Dakota initiative affect children?
It would affect children to the extent that parents are able to work out a parenting plan. Even though the
parents are living separately, the children still have both of them as parents. That is true whether the
parents are married and living together or never married and never lived together, but the child knows and
has a relationship with each one.
Research has found that the most important thing for children is how the parents get along with one
another. That is, in fact, more important than how much time is spent in each home. It is somewhat
unrelated to the matter of child support, except that in reality, parents who are left out of the parenting plan
tend not to pay their child support because feel they aren’t involved in making the parenting plan.
Research shows that, too.
Some critics say the initiative’s supporters simply are trying to get out of paying some child support. Do
you think there is any merit in that claim?
It may be that the child support issue is part of why this initiative is being introduced. It balances the
amount of payments and the amount of time spent. As a mental health professional, I usually don’t get into
the matter of figuring child support. But, in reality, people do tie child support to time spent with the child.
There is no way of separating the two in the view of parents who are disgruntled because they are not
included in the child’s life, yet they have to pay.
It long has been believed that women tend to be better caretakers of children. Does research support that?
No. There is a change going on with the roles of fathers and mothers in our country. There is no proof that
women and better caretakers than fathers, especially with the redefinition of the roles in which we have
many stay-at-home fathers. Many fathers are at home with infants while mothers go back to their jobs.
That is part of the change in roles that happened since the 1960s.
Historically, mothers were assigned most of the early-life caretaking duties of babies and infants. That is
an extension of the fact that they bore the children. There was some belief that children were born with
relationships to mothers. There may be something to the fact that mothers take naturally to motherhood,
while fathers have to be shown how to care for infants. But what we are finding is that when fathers are
involved, they are able to do the early-life caretaking just as well as mothers. The expectations are
different, but they are equally important. So, to carry on with the belief that all early-life caretaking should
be done by mothers is old-fashioned thinking and not supported by research.
A woman is important to the growth of a female into puberty. The mother becomes an important teacher
and role model for this transition. She can help a sons grow into adulthood, too.
Can a father do these as well?
Yes, a father can do these as well. There is a line of thinking that agrees with your statement that a mother
can help a daughter. But daughters need to relate to their fathers equally as well in order to learn how to
talk to the opposite sex and how to enter into relationships as they grow older. One of the roles of each
parent is to interact with the child of the opposite sex in an appropriate way, so the child is comfortable
emerging into adolescence. As far as feminine hygiene and the puberty changes that the bodies go
through, especially with girls, girls do need time with their mothers to learn, confide and be shown how to
do things. But they don’t need to be in the home full time for that education to take place. In custody
situations, they can be told when go to the mother’s home. Sensitive fathers also can talk with girls about
menstruation.
So, you’re saying that the proposal for shared parenting sounds reasonable and could benefit both
parents and child? It sounds like a reasonable proposal to me and is in line with what’s happening across
our country as far everyone believing and getting on board with the fact that children need both parents.
Any final words?
I would encourage the people in your area to take advantage of parent education programs. Along with the
books, there is information out there. It is part of the culture change, and young people should avail
themselves to these sources.
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