Divorce
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Bringing Support to Parents
Building Strength to Children
Bringing Support to Parents
Building Strength to Children
DIVORCE HUMOR
Although if you speak with anyone who has gone or is going through a divorce, the last thing they will tell
you that they felt like doing was laughing, but they say that laughter is the best medicine, so we have
included these, if for not other reason that to get your mind off your problems for a little while and
put a smile on your face. We hope they help!
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce and asked, “What are the grounds for
your divorce?
She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream
running by.”
“No,” he said. “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”
“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.
“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”
“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town and so do my husband’s parents.”
He Said, “Do you have a real grudge?”
“No” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”
“Please,” he tried again, is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer
to your question is yes.”
“Ma’am, does you husband ever beat you up?’
“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”
Finally in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”
“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’
t communicate with me.”
---------------------------------------
The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private
investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the “other
man”.
The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.
O.B. come onto the scene. Being a man of the 90’s and all he decided to handle the matter in what he
judged to be sophisticated and business-like manner. He sent the following e-mail to his wife’s lover:
Sir, It has been brought to my attention that for some time now you have been carrying on an affair
with my wife. So that we may settle this matter in an intelligent fashion, please be at my office at 3:
00pm on Friday next.
The “other man” was highly amused by the husband’s formal manner and sent the following reply:
Dear Sir, I have received a copy of your mass mailing this morning. You may be advised that I will
attend the scheduled conference in your office’s auditorium.
--------------------------------------------------------
A married couple was driving down the freeway. The wife was driving and the husband was in the
passenger’s seat. The husband said, “I want a divorce.”
The wife didn’t say a word; she just pushed her foot on the accelerator a little and went about 10 more
miles per hour.
The husband said, “I’m taking the kids.”
The wife didn’t say a word; she just pushed her foot on the accelerator a little and went about 10 more
miles per hour.
The husband said, “I’m taking the house.”
The wife didn’t say a word; she just pushed her foot on the accelerator a little and went about 10 more
miles per hour.
The husband said, “I’m taking all of our savings and stocks and bonds.”
The wife didn’t say a word; she just pushed her foot on the accelerator a little and went about 10 more
miles per hour.
The husband said. “I’m not going to pay you any support.”
The wife didn’t say a word; she just pushed her foot on the accelerator a little and went about 10 more
miles per hour.
The husband looked at his wife and said, “Don’t you have anything to say?”
The wife said, “No, I have all that I need.”
The husband said, “What do you mean, I’m asking for a divorce, I’m taking the kids, the house, our
savings and stocks and bonds and I’m not going to pay you support. What do you mean; you have all that
you need?”
The wife said, “I have the air bag!”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
· Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will
change. Invariably they are both disappointed. Albert Einstein.
· My husband I divorced under religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t. (Unknown)
· Marriage requires commitment to an institution – see insanity(Unknown)
· Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. Oscar Wilde
· A couple being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. In all that time did you ever
consider divorce? They were asked. On no, not divorce, one said, murder sometimes, but never
divorce. (Unknown)
· Make love, not war…..Hell do both, get married (Unknown)
· I think that men who have a pierce ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain
and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner
· Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. Lewis
Grizzard.
· Marriage is like a cold: you come down with one: you get better and you hope you never get another
one! (Unknown)
· I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of
your life! (Unknown).
· I just got back from a pleasure trip. I just drove my wife to the airport. (Unknown).
· The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Henny Youngman
· For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to
Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something that you always have. Woody Allen.
· I was married by a judge, I should have asked for a jury! Groucho Marx
· Alimony: a Latin term for removing a man’s wallet through his genitals! Robin Williams
· Marriage is grand and divorce is about 10 grand. Unknown
· Marriage is not a word, it’s a sentence. Unknown
· Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully, the divorce court judge said and I’ve decided to
give your wife $ 275.00 per week. That’s very fair, your honor, the husband said and every now and
then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself! Unknown.
Although if you speak with anyone who has gone or is going through a divorce, the last thing they will tell
you that they felt like doing was laughing, but they say that laughter is the best medicine, so we have
included these, if for not other reason that to get your mind off your problems for a little while and
put a smile on your face. We hope they help!
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce and asked, “What are the grounds for
your divorce?
She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream
running by.”
“No,” he said. “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”
“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.
“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”
“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town and so do my husband’s parents.”
He Said, “Do you have a real grudge?”
“No” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”
“Please,” he tried again, is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer
to your question is yes.”
“Ma’am, does you husband ever beat you up?’
“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”
Finally in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”
“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’
t communicate with me.”
---------------------------------------
The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private
investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the “other
man”.
The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.
O.B. come onto the scene. Being a man of the 90’s and all he decided to handle the matter in what he
judged to be sophisticated and business-like manner. He sent the following e-mail to his wife’s lover:
Sir, It has been brought to my attention that for some time now you have been carrying on an affair
with my wife. So that we may settle this matter in an intelligent fashion, please be at my office at 3:
00pm on Friday next.
The “other man” was highly amused by the husband’s formal manner and sent the following reply:
Dear Sir, I have received a copy of your mass mailing this morning. You may be advised that I will
attend the scheduled conference in your office’s auditorium.
--------------------------------------------------------
A married couple was driving down the freeway. The wife was driving and the husband was in the
passenger’s seat. The husband said, “I want a divorce.”
The wife didn’t say a word; she just pushed her foot on the accelerator a little and went about 10 more
miles per hour.
The husband said, “I’m taking the kids.”
The wife didn’t say a word; she just pushed her foot on the accelerator a little and went about 10 more
miles per hour.
The husband said, “I’m taking the house.”
The wife didn’t say a word; she just pushed her foot on the accelerator a little and went about 10 more
miles per hour.
The husband said, “I’m taking all of our savings and stocks and bonds.”
The wife didn’t say a word; she just pushed her foot on the accelerator a little and went about 10 more
miles per hour.
The husband said. “I’m not going to pay you any support.”
The wife didn’t say a word; she just pushed her foot on the accelerator a little and went about 10 more
miles per hour.
The husband looked at his wife and said, “Don’t you have anything to say?”
The wife said, “No, I have all that I need.”
The husband said, “What do you mean, I’m asking for a divorce, I’m taking the kids, the house, our
savings and stocks and bonds and I’m not going to pay you support. What do you mean; you have all that
you need?”
The wife said, “I have the air bag!”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
· Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will
change. Invariably they are both disappointed. Albert Einstein.
· My husband I divorced under religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t. (Unknown)
· Marriage requires commitment to an institution – see insanity(Unknown)
· Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. Oscar Wilde
· A couple being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. In all that time did you ever
consider divorce? They were asked. On no, not divorce, one said, murder sometimes, but never
divorce. (Unknown)
· Make love, not war…..Hell do both, get married (Unknown)
· I think that men who have a pierce ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain
and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner
· Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. Lewis
Grizzard.
· Marriage is like a cold: you come down with one: you get better and you hope you never get another
one! (Unknown)
· I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of
your life! (Unknown).
· I just got back from a pleasure trip. I just drove my wife to the airport. (Unknown).
· The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Henny Youngman
· For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to
Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something that you always have. Woody Allen.
· I was married by a judge, I should have asked for a jury! Groucho Marx
· Alimony: a Latin term for removing a man’s wallet through his genitals! Robin Williams
· Marriage is grand and divorce is about 10 grand. Unknown
· Marriage is not a word, it’s a sentence. Unknown
· Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully, the divorce court judge said and I’ve decided to
give your wife $ 275.00 per week. That’s very fair, your honor, the husband said and every now and
then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself! Unknown.
Disclaimer: BS Kids LLC legal research and information has been prepared for educational and informational purposes only. This material is not legal advice or legal
opinions on any specific matters. Transmission of the information is not intended to create and receipt does not constitute a lawyer-client relationship between BS Kids
LLC , the author of the information and any other legal publisher. Customers of BS Kids should not act upon this information without seeking professional counsel. The
opinions expressed in the material presented to BS Kids clientele is based on information found in legal publications. BS Kids LLC, 6 Mackinac Court, Pooler, Ga. 31322
(912) 988-1001 or 781-756-1214.
opinions on any specific matters. Transmission of the information is not intended to create and receipt does not constitute a lawyer-client relationship between BS Kids
LLC , the author of the information and any other legal publisher. Customers of BS Kids should not act upon this information without seeking professional counsel. The
opinions expressed in the material presented to BS Kids clientele is based on information found in legal publications. BS Kids LLC, 6 Mackinac Court, Pooler, Ga. 31322
(912) 988-1001 or 781-756-1214.
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