Shared Parenting
A Child Advocacy Company
Bringing Support to Parents
Building Strength to Children
Bringing Support to Parents
Building Strength to Children
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legal opinions on any specific matters. Transmission of the information is not intended to create and receipt does not constitute a lawyer-client relationship between
BS Kids LLC , the author of the information and any other legal publisher. Customers of BS Kids should not act upon this information without seeking professional
counsel. The opinions expressed in the material presented to BS Kids clientele is based on information found in legal publications. BS Kids LLC, 6 Mackinac
Court, Pooler, Ga. 31322 (912) 988-1001 or 781-756-1214.
legal opinions on any specific matters. Transmission of the information is not intended to create and receipt does not constitute a lawyer-client relationship between
BS Kids LLC , the author of the information and any other legal publisher. Customers of BS Kids should not act upon this information without seeking professional
counsel. The opinions expressed in the material presented to BS Kids clientele is based on information found in legal publications. BS Kids LLC, 6 Mackinac
Court, Pooler, Ga. 31322 (912) 988-1001 or 781-756-1214.
Joint Custody and Shared Parenting
What the Research Says, What Parents Say
Children have a natural right to both parents, but they need your help.
The resources on these pages can help you fight for your child's right to both parents.
To see the importance of shared parenting, consider how you, as an adult, would feel if you could see
your children only four days a month. Like most parents, you would miss them terribly, even with your adult
level of emotional maturity. Children, with their fragile, still-developing emotions, often suffer much more.
Children naturally love and need both parents. Sadly, most children of divorce see their non-custodial
parent only four days a month, which is not enough whether that parent is a mother or father. Children
need both their mothers and their fathers. Children do best with both parents together. If your spouse
wants a divorce, do everything you can to keep your family together. But if you cannot stop the divorce,
don't let your children grow up in sole custody.
Dangers of sole custody: Not surprisingly, sole custody can result in serious problems for children.
Children raised in single parent families are at greater risk for juvenile delinquency, teen pregnancy, poor
grades, drugs, dropping out of school, and other trouble. These risks occur even after factoring in
differences in income. In fact, risks are even higher in stepfamilies, despite their significantly higher income
and best efforts. Research shows that the lack of involvement by both natural parents is a primary cause
of these risks. Here's what the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services has to say:
"More than a quarter of American children—nearly 17 million—do not live with their father. Girls without a
father in their life are two and a half times as likely to get pregnant and 53 percent more likely to commit
suicide. Boys without a father in their life are 63 percent more likely to run away and 37 percent more likely
to abuse drugs. Both girls and boys are twice as likely to drop out of high school, twice as likely to end up
in jail and nearly four times as likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems." -- HHS Press
Release, Friday, March 26, 1999.
Shared parenting helps provide emotional stability for children by promoting the involvement of both
parents. There are two aspects to shared parenting in divorce: joint legal custody, which refers to shared
decision making responsibility between divorced parents, and joint physical custody, which provides
children with a more balanced residential arrangement than was allowed under sole custody. With joint
physical custody, children spend at least 33% of their time with each parent. This may be accomplished
with an evenly balanced, alternating week arrangement, or through other arrangements that provide ways
for the children to spend significant amounts of time with both parents. Joint legal custody has become the
norm in most states in the U.S. Joint physical custody is less common, but Federal government statistics
show that more than one fifth of divorced families had an equal shared parenting arrangement in 1997,
and in some states shared parenting has become the predominant type of custody award.
Shared parenting has become popular because it works so well for children. A quarter-century of research
has shown that kids do best with both parents involved in raising them, even if the parents are divorced.
Comments from a wise judge:
"Although the dispute is symbolized by a 'versus' which signifies two adverse parties at opposite poles of a
line, there is in fact a third party whose interests and rights make of the line a triangle. That person, the
child who is not an official party to the lawsuit but whose well-being is in the eye of the controversy, has a
right to shared parenting when both are equally suited to provide it. Inherent in the express public policy is
a recognition of the child's right to equal access and opportunity with both parents, the right to be guided
and nurtured by both parents, the right to have major decisions made by the application of both parents'
wisdom, judgment and experience. The child does not forfeit these rights when the parents divorce."
Presiding Judge Dorothy T. Beasley,
Georgia Court of Appeals,
"In the Interest of A.R.B., a Child," July 2, 1993
Realization
Shared parenting - the marriage of joint legal and joint physical custody. Just as your marriage dissolves,
you're looking at a forever-parenting partnership with the person who's leaving your life. Can it be done?
Shared parenting involves each parent wanting to:
stay actively involved in the children's lives
provide a sound home environment
cooperate with the other for the children's benefit
It also means recognizing that you are not always in charge. When your children are with their other
parent, it is that parent who will make the day-to-day decisions regarding the children's care and welfare.
And therein lies the rub. Many divorcing parents don't like the idea of sharing the responsibility,
challenges, and joys of shaping their children's lives. And to many, cooperating with a partner they're
angry at doesn't exactly create heartfelt joy.
Some Realities of Shared Parenting
It is not yet the norm. In 1998, although 4% of all children lived only with their dads, 23% lived only with
their moms. But if you do try shared parenting, realize that rules will vary from house to house. You and
your former spouse are individuals and each of you has your own ideas of what's best. Can you deal with
that? Conflict will occur. It's natural and occurs in families that live together and in those that don't. Will you
and your ex-partner be able to manage the conflict and remember the interests of your child? Or would it
be helpful - before conflicts arise - to agree to work together with a family mediator. Is there potential for
parental alienation syndrome where children are encouraged by one parent to view that same parent as all
"good" and the other parent as all "bad"? Clearly, the list can go on.
What It Boils Down To
Do you and your parenting partner genuinely want what's best for your children? Are you each willing to
put in the effort it will take? Can you deal with the possibility that the beginning might be rough? A study of
some divorced parents done by The Ohio State University found that two-thirds of the parents talked
weekly about their children for the first year and a half after separation. Two years after that only 40% did -
but, the number of arguments had lessened, and three years after the divorce only 6% had the same
intensity of conflict as they did before. Does this mean shared parenting brings acceptance? As one mom
who shares parenting said, "You don't have to be friends with your ex to make it work; you just have to be
dedicated to the kids. It can give kids a true sense of family instead of feeling fractured or cheated." Keep
in mind though, that research has also shown that early hostility during the divorce process is likely to
persist well after the divorce is final. And this can influence the success of shared parenting.
If Shared Parenting Seems Right
Then work with your children's other parent and create a parenting agreement you can both live with. It
should be detailed enough to cover all the bases and flexible enough to deal with your children's changing
needs. There is no universally correct solution. There are as many ways to share parenting time and
responsibilities as there are families.
What the Research Says, What Parents Say
Children have a natural right to both parents, but they need your help.
The resources on these pages can help you fight for your child's right to both parents.
To see the importance of shared parenting, consider how you, as an adult, would feel if you could see
your children only four days a month. Like most parents, you would miss them terribly, even with your adult
level of emotional maturity. Children, with their fragile, still-developing emotions, often suffer much more.
Children naturally love and need both parents. Sadly, most children of divorce see their non-custodial
parent only four days a month, which is not enough whether that parent is a mother or father. Children
need both their mothers and their fathers. Children do best with both parents together. If your spouse
wants a divorce, do everything you can to keep your family together. But if you cannot stop the divorce,
don't let your children grow up in sole custody.
Dangers of sole custody: Not surprisingly, sole custody can result in serious problems for children.
Children raised in single parent families are at greater risk for juvenile delinquency, teen pregnancy, poor
grades, drugs, dropping out of school, and other trouble. These risks occur even after factoring in
differences in income. In fact, risks are even higher in stepfamilies, despite their significantly higher income
and best efforts. Research shows that the lack of involvement by both natural parents is a primary cause
of these risks. Here's what the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services has to say:
"More than a quarter of American children—nearly 17 million—do not live with their father. Girls without a
father in their life are two and a half times as likely to get pregnant and 53 percent more likely to commit
suicide. Boys without a father in their life are 63 percent more likely to run away and 37 percent more likely
to abuse drugs. Both girls and boys are twice as likely to drop out of high school, twice as likely to end up
in jail and nearly four times as likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems." -- HHS Press
Release, Friday, March 26, 1999.
Shared parenting helps provide emotional stability for children by promoting the involvement of both
parents. There are two aspects to shared parenting in divorce: joint legal custody, which refers to shared
decision making responsibility between divorced parents, and joint physical custody, which provides
children with a more balanced residential arrangement than was allowed under sole custody. With joint
physical custody, children spend at least 33% of their time with each parent. This may be accomplished
with an evenly balanced, alternating week arrangement, or through other arrangements that provide ways
for the children to spend significant amounts of time with both parents. Joint legal custody has become the
norm in most states in the U.S. Joint physical custody is less common, but Federal government statistics
show that more than one fifth of divorced families had an equal shared parenting arrangement in 1997,
and in some states shared parenting has become the predominant type of custody award.
Shared parenting has become popular because it works so well for children. A quarter-century of research
has shown that kids do best with both parents involved in raising them, even if the parents are divorced.
Comments from a wise judge:
"Although the dispute is symbolized by a 'versus' which signifies two adverse parties at opposite poles of a
line, there is in fact a third party whose interests and rights make of the line a triangle. That person, the
child who is not an official party to the lawsuit but whose well-being is in the eye of the controversy, has a
right to shared parenting when both are equally suited to provide it. Inherent in the express public policy is
a recognition of the child's right to equal access and opportunity with both parents, the right to be guided
and nurtured by both parents, the right to have major decisions made by the application of both parents'
wisdom, judgment and experience. The child does not forfeit these rights when the parents divorce."
Presiding Judge Dorothy T. Beasley,
Georgia Court of Appeals,
"In the Interest of A.R.B., a Child," July 2, 1993
Realization
Shared parenting - the marriage of joint legal and joint physical custody. Just as your marriage dissolves,
you're looking at a forever-parenting partnership with the person who's leaving your life. Can it be done?
Shared parenting involves each parent wanting to:
stay actively involved in the children's lives
provide a sound home environment
cooperate with the other for the children's benefit
It also means recognizing that you are not always in charge. When your children are with their other
parent, it is that parent who will make the day-to-day decisions regarding the children's care and welfare.
And therein lies the rub. Many divorcing parents don't like the idea of sharing the responsibility,
challenges, and joys of shaping their children's lives. And to many, cooperating with a partner they're
angry at doesn't exactly create heartfelt joy.
Some Realities of Shared Parenting
It is not yet the norm. In 1998, although 4% of all children lived only with their dads, 23% lived only with
their moms. But if you do try shared parenting, realize that rules will vary from house to house. You and
your former spouse are individuals and each of you has your own ideas of what's best. Can you deal with
that? Conflict will occur. It's natural and occurs in families that live together and in those that don't. Will you
and your ex-partner be able to manage the conflict and remember the interests of your child? Or would it
be helpful - before conflicts arise - to agree to work together with a family mediator. Is there potential for
parental alienation syndrome where children are encouraged by one parent to view that same parent as all
"good" and the other parent as all "bad"? Clearly, the list can go on.
What It Boils Down To
Do you and your parenting partner genuinely want what's best for your children? Are you each willing to
put in the effort it will take? Can you deal with the possibility that the beginning might be rough? A study of
some divorced parents done by The Ohio State University found that two-thirds of the parents talked
weekly about their children for the first year and a half after separation. Two years after that only 40% did -
but, the number of arguments had lessened, and three years after the divorce only 6% had the same
intensity of conflict as they did before. Does this mean shared parenting brings acceptance? As one mom
who shares parenting said, "You don't have to be friends with your ex to make it work; you just have to be
dedicated to the kids. It can give kids a true sense of family instead of feeling fractured or cheated." Keep
in mind though, that research has also shown that early hostility during the divorce process is likely to
persist well after the divorce is final. And this can influence the success of shared parenting.
If Shared Parenting Seems Right
Then work with your children's other parent and create a parenting agreement you can both live with. It
should be detailed enough to cover all the bases and flexible enough to deal with your children's changing
needs. There is no universally correct solution. There are as many ways to share parenting time and
responsibilities as there are families.
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