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Building Strength to Children
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Disclaimer: BS Kids LLC legal research and information has been prepared for educational and informational purposes
only. This material is not legal advice or legal opinions on any specific matters. Transmission of the information is not
intended to create and receipt does not constitute a lawyer-client relationship between BS Kids LLC , the author of the
information and any other legal publisher. Customers of BS Kids should not act upon this information without seeking
professional counsel. The opinions expressed in the material presented to BS Kids clientele is based on information found
in legal publications. BS Kids LLC, 78 Canterberry Court, Hudson, NH 03051 781-756-1214.
only. This material is not legal advice or legal opinions on any specific matters. Transmission of the information is not
intended to create and receipt does not constitute a lawyer-client relationship between BS Kids LLC , the author of the
information and any other legal publisher. Customers of BS Kids should not act upon this information without seeking
professional counsel. The opinions expressed in the material presented to BS Kids clientele is based on information found
in legal publications. BS Kids LLC, 78 Canterberry Court, Hudson, NH 03051 781-756-1214.
Child custody system needs reform to respect fathers
The largest factor in predicting whether a child will graduate high school, attend college, become involved
in crime or drugs, or get pregnant before age 18 is the presence (or absence) of a father in the child's life.
Studies show that this remains true even after adjustments for household income. Yet at the same time, we
allow hundreds of thousands of fathers to be locked out of their children's lives by ex-spouses who ignore
their kids' need for a dad, and by a family court system that is biased against fathers. The divorced dad
has endured more unwarranted criticism than perhaps any other group in our time. Isn't the divorced dad,
we are told, a man who abandoned his family? A deadbeat dad? A child abuser? Occasionally, yes.
Usually, no.
Close to 70 percent of all divorces involving couples with children are initiated by the mother, not the
father. Studies show that couples agree that the reasons for these divorces are usually not infidelity or
abuse but instead a lack of "closeness" or of not feeling "loved and appreciated." Most "deadbeat dads"
are poor, unemployed or denied access to their children. Among men who have had no employment
problems in the past year and have had access to their children, more than 80 percent pay their child
support in full, and 13 percent overpay it. Less than 5 percent don't pay at all, and fathers actually have a
much better record of paying court-ordered child support than mothers do. There are fathers who abuse
their kids. However, 70 percent of confirmed cases of child abuse and 65 percent of parental murders of
children are committed by mothers, not fathers, according to the U.S. Department of Justice. Children are
88 percent more likely to be seriously injured from abuse or neglect by their mothers than by their fathers.
How can we get fathers back into their children's lives? Here are five needed, long overdue reforms:
Enforce fathers' visitation rights.
Three-quarters of divorced fathers surveyed maintain that their ex-spouses have substantially interfered
with their visitation rights. A recent nationwide study of children of divorce found that 42 percent of children
who lived solely with their mother reported that their mother tried to prevent them from seeing their fathers
after the divorce. However, only 16 percent of children who lived solely with their father reported similar
obstruction. The women in the survey generally admitted that their actions were punitive in nature and not
due to safety considerations. Yet the government spends $340 on enforcing child support for every $1 it
spends on enforcing visitation rights. Prosecutions of fathers who violate child support mandates are
common, whereas prosecutions of mothers who violate visitation orders are rare.
Make joint custody a reality instead of a meaningless scrap of paper.
Most states have mandatory joint custody, but in practice it means that the mother is automatically issued
physical custody and the father can only see his children a few days a month. Studies reveal that divorced
mothers are five times as likely to be satisfied with custody arrangements as divorced fathers. It is
imperative that joint custody means 50 percent physical time with each parent, or a time-sharing
agreement negotiated between parents whom the court treats as equals.
Don't hold the father's breadwinner role against him.
Men are generally expected to sacrifice time with their kids in order to be their family's main breadwinner.
When divorcing couples go to family court the judge gives the children primarily to the mother because the
father "hasn't nurtured them as much." Why not? Because he was earning the household income that
made it possible for the mother to spend more time nurturing the children.
Crack down on "move-away parents"
These are custodial parents who violate court orders by moving their children away from their ex-spouses.
Penalize ex-spouses who make false accusations of child abuse, molestation, etc., during custody
disputes. Many warring ex-spouses use false accusations as their "ace in the hole" in a custody battle.
Studies have shown that in this context, 75 percent of child sexual abuse accusations are unfounded or
unsubstantiated. The man who abandons his children is a pariah in our society, as he should be. But if it's
despicable for a father to abandon his children, is it not equally despicable for a mother to drive a father
out of his children's lives?
Glenn Sacks is a free-lance writer living in the San Fernando Valley.
The largest factor in predicting whether a child will graduate high school, attend college, become involved
in crime or drugs, or get pregnant before age 18 is the presence (or absence) of a father in the child's life.
Studies show that this remains true even after adjustments for household income. Yet at the same time, we
allow hundreds of thousands of fathers to be locked out of their children's lives by ex-spouses who ignore
their kids' need for a dad, and by a family court system that is biased against fathers. The divorced dad
has endured more unwarranted criticism than perhaps any other group in our time. Isn't the divorced dad,
we are told, a man who abandoned his family? A deadbeat dad? A child abuser? Occasionally, yes.
Usually, no.
Close to 70 percent of all divorces involving couples with children are initiated by the mother, not the
father. Studies show that couples agree that the reasons for these divorces are usually not infidelity or
abuse but instead a lack of "closeness" or of not feeling "loved and appreciated." Most "deadbeat dads"
are poor, unemployed or denied access to their children. Among men who have had no employment
problems in the past year and have had access to their children, more than 80 percent pay their child
support in full, and 13 percent overpay it. Less than 5 percent don't pay at all, and fathers actually have a
much better record of paying court-ordered child support than mothers do. There are fathers who abuse
their kids. However, 70 percent of confirmed cases of child abuse and 65 percent of parental murders of
children are committed by mothers, not fathers, according to the U.S. Department of Justice. Children are
88 percent more likely to be seriously injured from abuse or neglect by their mothers than by their fathers.
How can we get fathers back into their children's lives? Here are five needed, long overdue reforms:
Enforce fathers' visitation rights.
Three-quarters of divorced fathers surveyed maintain that their ex-spouses have substantially interfered
with their visitation rights. A recent nationwide study of children of divorce found that 42 percent of children
who lived solely with their mother reported that their mother tried to prevent them from seeing their fathers
after the divorce. However, only 16 percent of children who lived solely with their father reported similar
obstruction. The women in the survey generally admitted that their actions were punitive in nature and not
due to safety considerations. Yet the government spends $340 on enforcing child support for every $1 it
spends on enforcing visitation rights. Prosecutions of fathers who violate child support mandates are
common, whereas prosecutions of mothers who violate visitation orders are rare.
Make joint custody a reality instead of a meaningless scrap of paper.
Most states have mandatory joint custody, but in practice it means that the mother is automatically issued
physical custody and the father can only see his children a few days a month. Studies reveal that divorced
mothers are five times as likely to be satisfied with custody arrangements as divorced fathers. It is
imperative that joint custody means 50 percent physical time with each parent, or a time-sharing
agreement negotiated between parents whom the court treats as equals.
Don't hold the father's breadwinner role against him.
Men are generally expected to sacrifice time with their kids in order to be their family's main breadwinner.
When divorcing couples go to family court the judge gives the children primarily to the mother because the
father "hasn't nurtured them as much." Why not? Because he was earning the household income that
made it possible for the mother to spend more time nurturing the children.
Crack down on "move-away parents"
These are custodial parents who violate court orders by moving their children away from their ex-spouses.
Penalize ex-spouses who make false accusations of child abuse, molestation, etc., during custody
disputes. Many warring ex-spouses use false accusations as their "ace in the hole" in a custody battle.
Studies have shown that in this context, 75 percent of child sexual abuse accusations are unfounded or
unsubstantiated. The man who abandons his children is a pariah in our society, as he should be. But if it's
despicable for a father to abandon his children, is it not equally despicable for a mother to drive a father
out of his children's lives?
Glenn Sacks is a free-lance writer living in the San Fernando Valley.
Shared Parenting